Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
