Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
