Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
