just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
