she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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