i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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