I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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