And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
