hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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