dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
