What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
