Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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