just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
