haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
