The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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