Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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