i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
