If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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