So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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