so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
