Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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