OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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