I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
