how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
