there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
