Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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