conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
