Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
