Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
