Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can I color on your dick again?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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