Your face is a jimmy john
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
