Do you still have your period?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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