Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
