last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
