My brain says no but my pants say off.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
