You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
