I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
