Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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