i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
