saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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