Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
