Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
