I accidentally burped into my bong.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
