My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
