I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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