She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
