a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
