Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
