i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
