I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
