I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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