Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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